So with all the long hours of studying, learning, testing -- which by the way I did very well on my PLT 7-12 test a miracle really given how tired I was, praise God -- and grading and teaching, comes a final conclusion. A decision made during the most difficult of hours when it was tough to know what to do, when there were negatives and positives on either side making either choice difficult ... 'decide by 8am tomorrow'... so a resignation letter was sent. A phone call was made. All the tests (for which I studied hard and praise God passed) and training and licensure steps disappear, unless I want to again I either find another non traditional program to pick it up soon.. but if want to teach K-12 public school again, one would need to start again. But a lot was gained.
Then the student's tests, the long nights of pushing to the end and grading, the end of year parties, the goodbyes, the hugs, the cleaning out the classroom...
Now all that remains is to finish a long overdue portfolio and a Professional Growth plan that may or may not be accepted, and continue looking for the next thing.
I finish this year with more questions than answers. A lot of stress and personal mistakes. Very tired and exhausted, frankly worn out in so many ways. A lot learned both in and out of the classroom. But I have learned a lot and gained a lot, and hopefully given a lot too. There is a lot of the experience that I loved and the people that I enjoyed and therefore which made the choice hard. Several students did tell me they would miss me and appreciated some aspects of my being their teacher, and that means a lot to me. I gave what I could, tried to be loving & kind but firm when needed, thought inventive and creative in projects when I could, kept going at least when it was hard. If I had stayed, I would have in an ideal world with no financial or time restrictions, wanted to make my classes function and be based around labs and build the lessons off of that in real world ways.
Did I do good here? I think so. Should I have come? I do not know and yet.. In the long run, I think that despite some other things that I feel I failed at personally this year, the choice to come down here and teach and try to do good was a good one in principle. And I learned a lot, grew a lot, and gave a lot. And I didn't fail at teaching or my job; in fact though there were iffy times, I did pretty well for me I think. I was given a lot of good advice & told I was a good teacher, had a lot of good things I did do in my classroom & with the kids, was offered to sign for next year, and with more support, professional development, different choices, training and/or a different setting or age that it could go from good to great. It was a tough choice. Now what?
I guess that ends this blog. I appreciate all your support, encouragement, and everything through this year. Without it, I am sure I would not have made it through. There were some really tough times. Things never look like we think they will, but they always teach us something and we gain something through them. Thank you again so much for your encouragement. I made it through the first year of teaching, which I have heard is the hardest, and a long way from family and people I knew in an area I didn't know. Even though I don't understand so much about Him and didn't always turn to Him as much as I could have, I know God was often faithful and kind and helping me in the classroom and daily and with the kids - especially to have patience & wisdom & kindness & daily strength. :) The notes of encouragement meant so much to me. I have to fight the feeling it & my work was all a waste, but I know no good intention or deed is, and that at least now I have this experience and some training which I can utilize in many types of jobs, including other teaching settings if so desired. There is more good yet to come! :)
Blessings and thank you all! <3
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