This is over I suppose - for now, at least

So with all the long hours of studying, learning, testing -- which by the way I did very well on my PLT 7-12 test a miracle really given how tired I was, praise God -- and grading and teaching, comes a final conclusion. A decision made during the most difficult of hours when it was tough to know what to do, when there were negatives and positives on either side making either choice difficult ... 'decide by 8am tomorrow'... so a resignation letter was sent. A phone call was made. All the tests (for which I studied hard and praise God passed) and training and licensure steps disappear, unless I want to again I either find another non traditional program to pick it up soon.. but if want to teach K-12 public school again, one would need to start again. But a lot was gained.

 Then the student's tests, the long nights of pushing to the end and grading, the end of year parties, the goodbyes, the hugs, the cleaning out the classroom... Now all that remains is to finish a long overdue portfolio and a Professional Growth plan that may or may not be accepted, and continue looking for the next thing.

 I finish this year with more questions than answers. A lot of stress and personal mistakes. Very tired and exhausted, frankly worn out in so many ways. A lot learned both in and out of the classroom. But I have learned a lot and gained a lot, and hopefully given a lot too. There is a lot of the experience that I loved and the people that I enjoyed and therefore which made the choice hard. Several students did tell me they would miss me and appreciated some aspects of my being their teacher, and that means a lot to me. I gave what I could, tried to be loving & kind but firm when needed, thought inventive and creative in projects when I could, kept going at least when it was hard. If I had stayed, I would have in an ideal world with no financial or time restrictions, wanted to make my classes function and be based around labs and build the lessons off of that in real world ways.

 Did I do good here? I think so. Should I have come? I do not know and yet.. In the long run, I think that despite some other things that I feel I failed at personally this year, the choice to come down here and teach and try to do good was a good one in principle. And I learned a lot, grew a lot, and gave a lot. And I didn't fail at teaching or my job; in fact though there were iffy times, I did pretty well for me I think. I was given a lot of good advice & told I was a good teacher, had a lot of good things I did do in my classroom & with the kids, was offered to sign for next year, and with more support, professional development, different choices, training and/or a different setting or age that it could go from good to great. It was a tough choice. Now what?

 I guess that ends this blog. I appreciate all your support, encouragement, and everything through this year. Without it, I am sure I would not have made it through. There were some really tough times. Things never look like we think they will, but they always teach us something and we gain something through them. Thank you again so much for your encouragement. I made it through the first year of teaching, which I have heard is the hardest, and a long way from family and people I knew in an area I didn't know. Even though I don't understand so much about Him and didn't always turn to Him as much as I could have, I know God was often faithful and kind and helping me in the classroom and daily and with the kids - especially to have patience & wisdom & kindness & daily strength. :) The notes of encouragement meant so much to me. I have to fight the feeling it & my work was all a waste, but I know no good intention or deed is, and that at least now I have this experience and some training which I can utilize in many types of jobs, including other teaching settings if so desired. There is more good yet to come! :)

 Blessings and thank you all! <3

December-January: Still here

It is January. It is January? It is January! It is January...

Reflections

It is difficult to teach when students do not respect the teacher or the process. How can that desire to learn and that respect be created? How can it be built if destroyed or not there? How can there be positive, focused behavior while the students still feel interested but are not off task or disrespectful? How can a teacher remain focused, upbeat, and creative when there is so much to do and so much to be discouraged about? How can a teacher silence side conversations which are directly disrespectful to the teacher and the learning process? 

I frequently have more questions than answers. Some people try to help too much sometimes or pressure too much or get frustrated with me easily. I work best when I have some guidance and then space to work. I have been quite discouraged. It would be nice if I'd had more pre-work training and shadowing or on the job training, and more in my subject area and in the NewTech style. Then I could copy the actions of a master teacher until I get those down, and then play around with and add or change it to my own style. Maybe I can do something about that though by visiting other teacher's classrooms and with other teachers. One ATC meeting we had was about being ourselves as teachers. At the time it was very discouraging, but now I think that this general idea could be very helpful to me in the next few months. Also, perhaps I can try to practice what has gone well.

Classroom management- It isn't simple. I would like a simple list of things to do that would make the classroom run smoothly, receive and give respect but mostly have the students' respect so that they can learn, allow me to communicate the content to students, get my grading done, figure out what to do about all the other paperwork that we had to do for the beginning of the year, and not go crazy. I do not know how to show them to work in quiet voices and help them stay on task and in their seats when they are working on projects during group work time. Again, I can try to reflect on and practice what has gone well, and read, learn, observe, and then practice what I can.

Grading is a large item, but if there are not large daily grades then the students play. I am trying to review the work with the students; they do not usually cooperate well enough for that to work effectively, but I am going to keep trying different ways to learn the concepts and connect them to projects. They complain about book work since we are in a project-based academy, but I do not know how else to get them the concepts in a fuller format. A combination of the two is what I am going for, but they easily loose sight of how they go together and what we are really learning in class. I plan to try concept maps for my two classes.

There are positive things. My mentor has switched to using a positive language critique. I had a mostly positive review by ATC on a drop in, which tells me I am doing something right. My Biology kids seemed really interested in making the DNA models I had them turn last Tuesday. I'm trying notes for workshop time again and the students pay more attention during that time. Some things have gone right in the past and I can try to do those again.

My life

I stay up late. I am stressed a lot, but this weekend took some time out for even a few hours which helped. I have a 6 month old half-lab male puppy, although I might need to find him another home where the owner has time for training, as he is a wonderfully lovable, but high-energy little fella that could be trained for canine work of some sort. I would like to set up a GoFundMe account so that I can request some assistance from private individuals with my student loans and certification exams since I am working in a high-need area with an alternative program, but have not decided on the wisdom of doing so. In general, I hope to try to do my best until the end of May. What then? I do not know.

At present, I do have plans to look again for a church and/or community to be a bit involved in so that I do something other than work, possibly in Texarkana, and I hope for a roommate. I also have been able to visit friends recently and appreciate those opportunities. I am thankful that I was partly reimbursed for a few work related expenses and received gift cards and gifts from family. I am thankful for the opportunities of Christmas to celebrate the season, have a change of tasks, give and receive, and be with fun and amazing people who I know.

I do not discount teaching as not for me completely. But I am seriously considering not doing this current thing in the near future, especially as the school moves to all Career-based Academies. But I want to do well while I am here. I also need to pull my focus out of my own situation and look around me to see the bigger picture here at the school and other people's stories.

The people

I have some students who have really made progress. Other students seem to have given up on the NewTech process. I don't blame them, quite honestly. A few transferred out to 'regular school' at semester due to this frustration, others were transferred out by administration due to behavioral issues and grades. Some students have improved their relationship and interaction with others and myself, while there are still a few who don't seem to care. When I sit and compare with how they were at the beginning of the year, it is those who have a lot of growth or growth in one area that make me smile. 

There are students who are going through a lot, and from whom I have learned a lot. There are others that are just a joy to talk to and to know. There are other teachers and staff here that have made this job sometimes even fun, such as one fellow teacher doing a cookout on campus the last day before Christmas with his students, or Wednesday afternoon "Art" sessions with the school counselors, a student-free fun time to be freely creative with other teachers.

I kind of have given up on finding a church in town. Perhaps I will trade off locations and visit in town one week and Texarkana another. I am really missing people closer to my age and in similar life stages and am hoping that I can find people my age or closer in Texarkana.

Conclusions for now... 

I am not sure it is the thing for me to stay here next year, but I do not want to give up on it totally.  I don't know what I would do... what Career Academy I would fit in, who I would 'be' as a teacher or outside of school, or what would become of the rest of my life. I'm here for the kids... but if I am not me enough in this position or enjoying it enough to be able to be the best of what they need and "be" here totally, then I am not able to be.

Brainstorming and working on what is next job-wise can be discouraging and distracting. It must be set aside for now or a smaller part of my life so that I can do my current tasks and learning well. It is important for me to not let it become so large as to distract from my responsibility here at Hope schools. This is where I am, and this is where my students need me to be mentally while my physical being is here at this location.

November- Teaching is more than teaching.. again!

It is now November. Late is better than never, I suppose, for an update.

Reflections

Teaching is... also a lot about managing time and paperwork. If you can figure out how to do that, then you will have a lot of your job done. The other parts are lesson planning and classroom management. Actually how you teach the information... that is just the icing on the cake or just what you do. Teaching is also a lot about having guts, stick-to-it-iveness, (tenacity or grit) and knowing if you want it or not. Teaching also, like any major job or career choice, involves figuring out how to take care of yourself to a certain extent, or balance.

So a lot of figuring out how to do the above stuff comes with 1) Practiced teachers telling you and showing you, 2) You getting to observe and see how it is done so you can put it into practice 3) Figuring out what part of this is your way of doing things 4) How creative and experimental you are, and how adaptive you are to new situations, and/or how willing to take other people's stuff and use it for your own (especially in NewTech) 5) Personality and what you want to do with life 6) what's going on with you & self-care.. how strong you are, how much sleep you get, how you deal with stress or how you deal so that you can handle the kids, discipline, the daily piles of questions and things to do coming from above (admin and advising sources) and below (kids) 7) How relaxed you can be in the middle of the craziness. All of this can vary depending on various things in the school and in your own life or way of handling things. 

Teaching is a lot of not teaching. Teaching is there, but it is not the only thing. It is a lot of managing different things. There is not much really that can train you for this, especially not in 6 weeks... whatever you do can partially prepare you better or less.
Teaching is also learning that when you are roasted by parents (I had the first ever parent-teacher conference) that you need to learn what is and isn't your fault and let the rest.. or all of it, go. You can only help a student so much, and if you made mistakes, you will try again the next 9 weeks. If the student does not try, you cannot change that for them, regardless of age, it is their responsibility.

Teaching is, again, also a lot of requirements from a lot of different people. It is experimentation sometimes, other times tried and true stuff. It is being real with the kids but not being on their level so much that they think they can run over you... sticking to your guns even when you feel that they aren't loaded.

It is also better if you have people in your same shoes. I don't have a roommate right now and that is tough, but I do have people at the same school in the same situation. 

My life

So that was a fairly natural transition to this section.

My paycheck is interesting. After high insurance rates, I take home (net) only about $200 more per month than I did in my last job, although my gross yearly is supposed to be double. I have so many bills that I am left with $300 a month (or less) to live on. Not much money, and not really much more than I had before.

I also do not have many friends here, so I am trying to figure out how to address what interaction everyone including myself needs. Besides my personal things going on that adds to my struggle with that, I just have not found a church with people my age or where I feel completely or comfortable enough to go to while I am here. I also would like to find a house mate. Perhaps I will learn a lot about being happy on one's own.

If you look at what I said in the section above, teaching requires a commitment to know this is what you want, especially in areas that for one reason or another are tough for you. I do not think this is what I want for my life long term, but I do not want to give up on teaching in case I want to teach as a professor. This would then be a good learning experience. Also, I want to finish out the year or two so that I gain something and give something from being here. I am trying to consider if I want to do something else, and if so when, and what. It is quite difficult.

Conclusions for now...

I really don't know what to conclude. Life is in a state of flux and transition, and teaching as well as the rest of life requires management, working a little at a time, and not getting overwhelmed. It is difficult not to get discouraged when you are trying to do something for others and do not see the fruit of it for a long time. The fruits are varied and may not show up in some students while we are here, but it is like the saying, "They are better off with you than without you"... at least I trust that is the case. 

Great Teachers are Superheroes

Well hello again.
It has been a while since I posted something here. My goal was to update you once a month.

Reflections

Teachers are asked to do the impossible (to do many different things and meet many different guidelines and formats all at once, to teach for each individual when they have 25-40 students, half or more of whom do not want to learn), and are asked to do many things from many different sources. They are under pressure, constantly, daily, to do this. They have deadlines which are last minute and make little sense given all the other work they have. They are paper pushers who if they want to teach well know how to think on many different levels. Teachers who are amazing and last any great length of time either do not do everything, figure out a different way, are superheroes or A+ personalities, or use a combination of these. And, every teacher has different requirements to meet, so some have huge challenges while others have different ones.

Teachers in many situations are also a combination of parent and police. Which to be when and how to lead these maturing children (9th and 10th grade) to being young adults, without being mean but still being firm and using discipline that reflects the real world, is currently my biggest challenge [other than paperwork and lesson planning :) ]. How regular teachers do it well or create an environment where the students want to learn so that 'controlling' them is no longer so much of an issue, is something I have not seen in action. Those who do that must, again, be superheroes. 

Hope, AR, has a combination of people so diverse that it is difficult to teach all the different student knowledge levels, backgrounds, and interaction styles in one room. Some of my classes have a group of kids who like to use 'hood' talk, while others like to dress in cowboy boots and jeans, and some are somewhere in the middle and have their own style more suburban than anything. Students have all types of personal situations and/or living situations. I do not know how to connect with all these differences. A teacher who does that... either has a lot of experience, knows where to find the information, knows or has learned from someone great, or is great themselves. 

My life

I have been doing a lot of paperwork and grading; progress reports came out Friday. Not all the grades were on there, but my goal for the weekend is to be caught up. I have been getting very little sleep as a result of grading and planning. 

I am taking care of a puppy which is 10weeks old now for the last 2 weeks as my own, but I am trying to find him another home. He has to be alone all day, and I just got my first paycheck and do not have much money. 

I am realizing that I am tired of and do not know how to get the kids in my classes to want to stop playing and start learning something. They have computers now, which is the format which they are supposed to have, but they do not respect each other or follow directions which even the assistant superintendent gives them. This last week he had to whistle and yell to get their attention; he is a usually medium-spoken Army Guard family man who is very practical when dealing with people and creative when it comes to education. If they do not listen to him when he tries other methods first, how are they going to listen to me and my fellow young teachers? 

I have been reflecting that this is probably not what I want to be doing in four years. Not if it goes like this year, where some days I feel like I have to figure out how to get the kids to listen all day long. It is an exercise in psychology that I have not yet found out how to win... how to get them to want to listen, to realize it matters, and to choose to participate for one reason or another.

 How long I will stay is a good question. I want to give it a shot, because I know the first year is always tough, and because we teach NewTech style it may be tougher (since we were taught 3 months of non-NewTech). I do not know for sure what my next step should be. However, I like how I feel like I have a purpose and a plan here. Sometimes I struggle with feeling like I matter here, since I came to make a difference. But I think I have a spot that I fill so that helps me feel like I am contributing to society. I think, though, I would like to explore a medical profession, the Peace Corps, something that lets me be outside or use my kind side without always having to tell someone to behave if they don't want to, or something else in the future.

Conclusions for now...

I do not know what the future holds, but that is ok :) 

Also.. I have lots of grading to do! So, I better skedaddle. :) Until next time! :) 

More information to those of you on my email list! :) 

If you have any questions, feel free to let me know. :) 

Hello friends,

Welcome to my Arkansas Teacher Corps experience.

At this point I have already been through the summer training program, and the process of transforming the caterpillar into the butterfly is well underway, and perhaps finished. It is now up to me to teach. I will have a support network, and a wonderful community.

Giving updates is tough for me, since each of you will want to know something different and it is difficult for me not to ramble or get too personal. So, I will keep it mostly to these categories: Practical things, and Mindsets.

Since this is my first entry, I am going to also give some background information.

 *   Background: What is ATC and What have I been doing?

The Arkansas Teacher Corps (http://arkansasteachercorps.org) is a non-traditional teacher licensure program similar to Teach for America, but with a focus on Arkansas' needs. It is headed by the University of Arkansas and attempts to find potential teachers (fellows of ATC) who are highly qualified in their content areas and place them in areas that desperately need teachers in Arkansas. Some of us from this year's program are placed in the Delta & Mississippi River region, some in Pulaski County, and some in Southwest Arkansas.

This summer I have spent in and around Little Rock, observing and teaching summer school in Maumelle, and spending the afternoons learning from invited speakers and our 1-2 year TFA-er mentors about the finer aspects of teaching.  We also had assignments, readings, and lessons plans which we completed to help us gain the knowledge we need to teach. I certainly have learned a lot, and both the drinking from a firehose and the treadmill analogies work well to explain the level of input and output we experienced.

Two weeks before the end of the institute, I (and two other ATC fellows) also went with my school district to the NewTech Network conference (http://www.newtechnetwork.org) in New Orleans. I will be part of the Hope Academy of Science and Technology for two of the classes I will be teaching, and this part of Hope High Schools uses project-based experiential learning together with technology such as students accessing their work through MacBooks in an online format similar to Blackboard to teach the students.

 *   Practical Things

Where to start on this section? Perhaps the largest practical challenge has been housing. We all spent several Fridays attempting to find a place to live that was 'just right' for each of us. I found my place the day before we ended the program, and will be moving down in the morning.

We have had amazing chances through this process & from a meeting with the Chamber of Commerce to get to know the people of Hope some, and to get to know about the community. That has been absolutely wonderful, and I look forward to getting to meet even more people and know the area better.

Most of us ran out of our stipend towards the end of the program and began asking family members for support, since most of us will not be paid until halfway through September. Our pay (by each of our districts) will be good though, at least compared to my last couple of jobs, so I suppose it is a trade-off in the long run. :)

I am going to be starting the process of lesson planning and all of the teachy school things, which I am trying to see as an adventure rather than this overwhelming amount of work. I am sure that as long as it is an adventure, both I and the students will get more out of the school year.

I will also be doing everything involved with settling into a new community (drivers license, electricity, trying to find a washer & dryer, etc.) and that also means finding a new church.

 *   Mindsets

Thinking about the practical things connects to what I want to say about mindsets in that it is easy to think about going and doing something short-term to have a positive impact until you realize that this will be your life, at least for the next few years most likely. I originally had the idea "I am going here for 3 years (or less) as a mission, like if I was going overseas to a place for a short time to make a positive impact. I am going to help myself get some education and a useful skill in the meantime as well, but the focus is to help." Now it is more like  "I am going there and there are a lot of assets there; this is the next step in my life but I am going there to help the kids BUT a lot of other people are doing that there from the community already; I won't be there forever BUT it is my home & my life. Its not so bad there, there is a lot of normal & good stuff, & a lot of resources. I am living there." There are ideas about a place from outside of it (crime rates, race, literacy or poverty issues) and then there is the reality of the place from the inside - an amazing community with lots of welcoming people, a decent amount of resources, its a good home, where the people love to live and feel safe.  My personal view about whether I am there short term or long term is still open to change and honestly does not help me feel very settled, but I know I am there now, to learn and to do good. I hope (haha) to be able to have a positive impact in Hope, while I am sure the experience, the place, and the people will have a growing impact on me. :) I have been thinking of what I want to do in the summers and after this, and so these things are open to change, and I want to continue dreaming and planning.

Thank you all for your time, and feel free to email me or send me a message if you have something you want to know particularly. :) 

This photo was taken on our first visit to Hope at the Chamber of Commerce and appears at <http://myhopeinfo.com/?p=255>.